If You’re Not Being Heard, Try Active Listening!
![If You’re Not Being Heard, Try Active Listening! If You’re Not Being Heard, Try Active Listening!](https://fearlessprojectmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/lighthouse-3973197_1280-250x167.jpg)
Do you feel like no one listens you? If you do, maybe you need to develop your ability to listen to others.
Being heard and understood is a need for every member of the human family but most of us don’t listen. We tune in just long enough to get the gist of what someone is saying then we shift to our own thoughts. When we think we know where they’re heading, we silently compare what we heard to our own views. Although we’re still hearing the words (and may even nod in encouragement), we’re mentally light-years away.
Is this your habit? If it is, you are pushing people away, turning them off, and passing up opportunities to build trusting relationships. If you improve your listening skills, it will result in stronger relationships, enhanced performance, and even reduced stress levels.
The goal of active listening is to improve understanding between both parties.
Listening may sound easy because we all listen, all the time, right? Well, it is not easy. It is one of the hardest things you will do when communicating with another person. It is also one of the most important skills for success in virtually every aspect of life – personal and professional.
Active listening means listening with all your senses, giving full attention to the speaker, and using cues to let them know you are interested. When you are actively listening, the speaker feels heard and conversation flows openly.
Basically, active listening is listening with the intent of understanding the total meaning of what’s being said. You do this by allowing the person to speak without interruption, and then you repeat back what they said. The active listener encourages the speaker to talk, try to clarify any points they don’t understand, and be sure they’re aware of the speaker’s intent.
![phone-2919746_1280 platinum dial up telephone](https://fearlessprojectmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/phone-2919746_1280.png)
Improve Your Active Listening Habits
When you understand what you’re being told or asked, effective listening has taken place. If you believe you could benefit by focusing more on people who are speaking to you, you aren’t alone. Implement these techniques and you will improve all your relationships.
When you listen actively, the speaker feels heard and understood.
- Be attentive. Pay attention to the person speaking with you. Stay focused on what they’re saying, without trying to anticipate what they’re going to say next. Stay in the moment.
- Respect the speaker. Even if you think you know what they’re going to say, try to listen to what’s actually being said.
![people-2568603_1280 Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal clues. Body language, facial expressions, and posture can all provide a detailed picture of what’s going on. Keep your attitude in check. Avoid confrontation or anger. You’re not trying to win an argument; you’re trying to understand the person with whom you’re speaking. Avoid letting your personal preferences affect how you listen. Try to keep your personal beliefs from clouding the speaker’s statements.](https://fearlessprojectmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/people-2568603_1280.jpg)
- Pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal clues. Body language, facial expressions, and posture can all provide a detailed picture of what’s going on.
- Keep your attitude in check. Avoid confrontation or anger. You’re not trying to win an argument; you’re trying to understand the person with whom you’re speaking.
- Avoid letting your personal preferences affect how you listen. Try to keep your personal beliefs from clouding the speaker’s statements.
-
- Don’t jump to conclusions. Regardless of what the speaker says, don’t make assumptions or judgments about what they said. Find out all the facts and ask questions if you need to.
For example, if your co-worker is falling asleep on his desk might deduce that he was partying until all hours of the morning. The case may be that his daughter was sick and he spent the night with her in the hospital. You just can’t make assumptions.
- If you don’t understand what’s being said, clarify by asking questions. Refrain from interrupting. Ask your questions in an even tone of voice when the speaker pauses.
- Repeat back what you heard. This lets the speaker know that you are really listening. Also, when you state what you understood, it gives them a chance to clarify any miscommunication.
For one-on-one practice with your active listening skills download the Action Listening Practice Guide from the Fearless Project Management website.
Develop Active Listening Expertise
Both skill and expertise will make you an active listener that will let the speaker know they have been heard and understood. Practice the techniques above, then use the following strategies to keep the communication lines open.
- Set the stage. Before you meet, be sure you are in the right frame of mind. Then, choose the time and the method of meeting that will limit noise and distractions, especially if the subject matter is important. This will set the stage for a meaningful exchange.
![women-1586480_1280 When someone is talking, be fully immersed in the conversation. Multitasking does not work so stop what you're doing when another person speaks to you. If you're unable to pause what you're doing, let the person know. Ask the communicator to stop speaking for a bit, and mention briefly why you're asking them to wait. Say something like, "Can you wait just a minute? I'm adding up these figures. As soon as I'm finished, I can listen to you."](https://fearlessprojectmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/women-1586480_1280.jpg)
- When someone is talking, be fully immersed in the conversation. Multitasking does not work so stop what you’re doing when another person speaks to you.
- If you’re unable to pause what you’re doing, let the person know. Ask the communicator to stop speaking for a bit, and mention briefly why you’re asking them to wait.
- Say something like, “Can you wait just a minute? I’m adding up these figures. As soon as I’m finished, I can listen to you.”
-
- Avoid attempting to communicate with others while watching television or playing games because these distractions will hamper your efforts to listen actively.
- Body language is integral to listening. If you are face to face, turn your body toward the communicator. If you are meeting virtually, turn your video on.
- Leaning toward the person who’s speaking also demonstrates that you’re paying attention to the speaker’s every word.
- Avoid distractions and refrain from performing tasks that require you to turn your body away from the speaker, for example, reading email.
- Give appropriate nonverbal clues. When you are actively listening to someone, your body language will show whether you’re paying attention or not.
- Look the speaker in the eye while they are talking and try to maintain eye contact as long as it’s comfortable for both of you.
- Reaching out and touching their arm or shoulder will also help the person you are speaking with recognize that you’re interested in what they’re saying.
- Nodding your head is another indication that you’re listening.
![webinar-4216601_1280 Make and maintain eye contact with the speaker. In most western cultures, eye contact sends the message, "I hear you. I'm listening." Furthermore, holding eye contact with the speaker says, "You have all of my attention at this moment." Be aware that the meaning and impact of eye contact varies from culture to culture. If you're communicating with someone from a culture other than yours, learn about what eye contact means to them.](https://fearlessprojectmanagement.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/webinar-4216601_1280.jpg)
- Make and maintain eye contact with the speaker. In most western cultures, eye contact sends the message, “I hear you. I’m listening.”
- Furthermore, holding eye contact with the speaker says, “You have all of my attention at this moment.”
- Be aware that the meaning and impact of eye contact varies from culture to culture. If you’re communicating with someone from a culture other than yours, learn about what eye contact means to them.
- Focus your thoughts on the person’s words. Refrain from trying to think about how you want to respond while the person is speaking.
- Share with the person what you just understood him to say. When the speaker ceases talking, take the opportunity to check out what you heard.
Here’s an example: “So, you have a major project that is heating up so you can’t attend the 3:00 meeting today and you want me to present your status, right?
- Let the speaker clarify. As the listener, stating what you heard allows the speaker to correct or clarify his remarks. The speaker then hopefully replies something like, “Yes, that’s right. I need to put all my focus on this project or it will tank. I will send you the status by 2:00 today so you can present. OK?
- Don’t slack off. If you are in regular communication with someone, it is easy to assume they know what you are thinking. They don’t.
Use these strategies to enhance communication with your team, your managers, and your project stakeholders and give your project the best chance of successful delivery.
Use these strategies to enhance communication with your team, your managers, and your project stakeholders and give your project the best chance of successful delivery.
Take it one step at a time
You can learn how to listen actively with these techniques, but you can’t do it all at once. First, pay attention to your current listening habits. Then, select one habit that you would like to improve. Practice for a while and when you have that one down, pick another one.
If you learn exponentially and you can work with someone else, download the Active Listening Practice Guide. You can practice active listening with a partner and will both become better at developing stronger working relationships.
It won’t take long and the results will be worth the effort. You, your team, co-workers, and stakeholders will all benefit from these simple active listening techniques.